You Know You’re a Mom When…

I recently posted this as a status on my Facebook page and asked all moms to weigh in with their responses.  I even got responses from a dad or two, so this really should be, “You Know You’re a Parent When…”  Enjoy, and feel free to add more in the comments.

  • You go to pack your dress shoes for a trip and find a dried Cheerios stuck to the bottom of one.
  • You’re willing to give your last piece of chocolate to the little girl with big blue eyes.
  • You are awakened every hour on the hour and still want to kiss the little zombie in the morning.
  • You eat the ABC (already-been-chewed) food your child has taken out of her mouth and you eat it rather tahn getting up to throw it away.
  • You pretend to eat play food and drink play drinks every time they shove it in your face, even after they slobbered all over it.
  • You don’t panic when you hear the vomit; instead you groan and tell yourself that someday they’ll move out and have kids of their own to clean vomit up for.
  • You step on a sharp toy and muffle the curses to avoid screaming out loud.
  • You find yourself excited about new kids movies because something other than yourself will be able to hold your kids’ attention longer than ten minutes.
  • You do everything in your power to fix the “blankie poo,” “pun poo pana blankie,” the torn arm of “buddy the monkey,” etc.
  • You pick up a binky off the floor and stick it in your mouth before giving it back to your child.
  • You spend half an hour cleaning up a crib covered in poop and you don’t get mad because you just want him to feel better.
  • You can pick their boogers without a second thought about germs.
  • Poop smeared from back to knees is no big deal.
  • You say to another human being, “If you lick the swingset one more time we’re going home.”
  • You get spit-up on multiple times a day and don’t mind.
  • You drink out of the same straw your slobbery baby was just sucking on.
  • You go to bed feeling accomplished because you didn’t get pooped on today.
  • You get spit-up on multiple times a day and don’t bother to change your clothes.
  • You crawl into bed finally, your head hits the pillow, and your body just relaxes…then you feel something hard under your back and find it’s your little one’s pacifier and toy.
  • You are up multiple times a night and it’s not for going to the bathroom…at least not for you.
  • You have food on your shoulder you didn’t know about.
  • You change 16 diapers a day and still love them.
  • You realize that someone smaller than you relies on you…a LOT!
  • You start putting things away before people are finished with them, without thinking about it.
  • You find yourself rocking side-to-side even when you’re NOT holding a baby.
  • Your big night out consists of a trip to Planet Kid.
  • You end up drinking out of a sippy cup because you forgot to pack anything for yourself.
  • Your lap is occupied while you try and do your business in the bathroom.
  • Your purse is a notorious pool for gadgets and random items that fix things: Someone have a hangnail?  I have clippers.  Hungry?  I have Goldfish crackers.  There’s a booger?  I have a wipe.  Not entertained?  Give ’em the whole darn purse!
  • You take a big drink from an open can of soda in the fridge and get a mouthful of soggy raisins.
  • You pull off the freeway to clean up an accident in the back seat and the Highway Patrol quickly leaves you to yourself when you explain that “nothing is wrong, just stopped to clean up the barf in the back seat…”
  • You have no qualms about sniffing another person’s butt.
  • The last three weeks have been an absolute nightmare and you can’t believe you’re still walking…but you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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